Scars and Stories
by the lola
Summary: Hermiones sanity is suffering at the hands of the war. She tells Draco her account of their relationship through the war so far - the stories of her scars. Drabbles.
1. Chapter One

A/N- So yes, I have started yet another story, oops! This one is for the **Scars and Stories Competition**, I claimed Scars and Stories and Run For Your Life. So yeah, creative title I know, haha. Basically this is going to be a set of drabbles, one of which including the prompt I've been given. Give me your feedback please; I'd love to hear from any of you.

* * *

"_No! We are **not **letting **Malfoy **join the order, are you barking mad?" Ron yelled, going an unsightly shade of red._

_Everyone was sat around the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place_,_ arguing with each other right in front of Draco. _

"_No!"_

"_Why not?"_

"_He could spy for us!"_

"_Actually- I can't, they know I'm a traitor…" He drawled, leaning calmly against the door frame._

_Everyone went silent for a couple of seconds, but then chose to ignore him and carried on arguing._

"_Give the boy a chance!" _

"_Definitely not!"_

"_This is absurd!" _

_Anger was growing in the pit of Hermiones stomach, this was **embarrassing. **"**Everyone, shut up!" **She boomed, slamming her hands down on the table._

"_Nice Granger, very nice." He smirked at her in that infuriating way._

_She rolled her eyes, wishing she'd just let them go on arguing. "Right. Let us have a vote. I'll outline the pro's and con's for you all. Pro's- He has inside knowledge, he thinks like a death eater, he knows the death eaters and a lot about it all. He is a good occlumens, legilimens, and very good at combat and healing." Hermione felt slightly sick at how many good things she could say about him._

"_Oh, so you do pay attention to me? Knew it." He winked at her from his position at the door._

"_Shut up Malfoy!" Ron growled from across the table._

"_Be quiet boys, now!" Their mouths snapped shut quickly._

"_Cons. He could be a spy, he is an arrogant prick, most of you hate him, he's prejudiced, and pretty dangerous to actually take into battle..." Well, the pro's outdid the con's. She wasn't even sure if she wanted him, but their numbers weren't too great and they needed anyone they could get._

"_I'm hurt Granger." He put a hand to his heart, rolling his eyes. _

_Collectively, Harry, Ron, Seamus and Dean yelled at him to shut up. _

"_Okay, vote now. Those in favour, hands up!" All seven adults put their hands up, then Luna, then Neville, then Dean, then Seamus, then Lavender, Pavarti, Padma and Hannah. That left Harry, Ron, Ginny and the Weasley brothers to vote. _

"_I vote him in." Hermione sighed._

"_Who votes against then?" George Bill and Ron raised their hands._

"_Ginny and Harry?" _

"_Indifferent," Ginny said, looking to Harry as he nodded with her._

"_Okay, so he's in." She sighed, waiting for the abuse to come at her._

_Ron muttering "This is bollocks." was all she heard though._

_Draco grinned, "You're all going to love me." _

"_Shut up and sit down." Hermione pointed to the nearest chair. "Who's he rooming with?"_

"_You, you always have a room to yourself," Said Ginny in a matter-of-fact way._

_Seriously? She was going to room with Malfoy? "Ugh! Okay, I'll show you too **our **room..." She rolled her eyes. _

* * *

"I always liked you best." He chuckled.

"I like that story; I liked you like that…" She was on her back in the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Like what?" He frowned.

"A prick. It was fun. Challenging…"

He couldn't help but laugh. "You were the only person who enjoyed me like that. _I _didn't even enjoy acting like that."

"I don't think I want to do this story thing..."

"McGonagall says it will be good for you." He sighed, brushing the hair out of her face.

"Why do the stories have to be about you?..." She hadn't blinked since he'd been sitting with her, it was unnerving.

He wasn't aloud to tell her the real reason. "It's easiest. We room together; they figured we must have a lot of shared memories…" He hated lying to her. They thought if she could talk about things that caused her pain then she'd be able to repress the memories properly.

They must think he caused her a lot of pain then.

"I don't like remembering…" She was suddenly out like a light.

_Me neither Hermione, me neither_.

Harry poked his head through the door, "How is she?"

"Not good Harry. Not good at all."


	2. Chapter Two

_She didn't know what was happening._

_One minute everyone was in their rooms, or congregated in the kitchen._

_A solemn feeling was lingering, but everyone was just happy to be alive._

_She wasn't so sure they would be alive much longer._

_This room wasn't going to be safe; she needed to escape, fast._

_Hermione ran down the stairs wand in hand, flinging curses this way and that._

_She just needed to get to him._

_Everyone would watch out for Harry, but no one wanted Malfoy._

_She didn't know why she wanted him alive._

_A green jet of light came shooting at her; she ducked out the way just in time._

_Suddenly a stream of spells, an array of colours, came from every direction at her._

_She was going to die, it was her time. She could feel it._

_**He has to be okay.**_

_Not knowing why she was so desperate to find him, to protect him, made her nervous._

_But there was no time for nerves right now._

_The place was in utter chaos, there being probably forty death eaters to the twenty five ish of them, depending on who had been there this particular night._

_The panic was rising inside of her._

_**Don't cry Hermione, don't be pathetic. He probably doesn't care where you are right now.**_

* * *

She was tracing her real pattern of scars that were scattered along her arms. There was an incredibly vacant look in her eyes.

"You tell it like that stuff is never going to happen again, but there's still a war going on outside here. I'm still not safe, _you're _still not safe," He frowned, trying to see any sort of emotion in her eyes. Nothing.

"It doesn't matter, right now we're both safe. _That _is what matters." She brushed away his white hair from his face with a trembling, and leant in shakily to kiss him.

He jerked away, avoiding eye contact. "Hermione, no…"

She blinked blankly, and turned on her side in her bed, falling asleep within minutes.


	3. Chapter Three

"_I want to fight, please don't make me stay!" Hermione was despairing; she couldn't just stay home and do nothing while everyone else fought. _

"_Hermione please, you're the best at healing. You can come next time, I promise," Harry spoke very calmly and convincingly. _

_She hated staying at home while her friends could be dying, she hated not knowing anything at all. Most of all though, she hated having to heal her friends and have their death on her conscience if she couldn't. But they were right- she was the best healer in the group. "Fine." She sighed. "Who else is staying behind?"_

"_Malfoy. Second best at healing, plus it's not really safe for him to go out there." _

_She didn't like that one bit. Why did it have to be Draco? He practically hated her since their last attack. She didn't understand why, they had been getting on just fine. "Really? He's a good fighter though."_

"_And an ex death eater Hermione. It's not safe." Ginny rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Really, it was- she would have been begging for him to be left behind this time a month ago, but the awkwardness would just be painful now._

_How could she argue it without sounding ridiculous? "Fine, okay, I guess." And with that she walked away and into the kitchen to start on some potions._

"_Hermione." She jumped at the sound of his voice, having not heard it in a while, and it still feeling strangely new to her when he said her name._

"_What Draco, am I making the potion wrong?" She kept her voice clipped, straining it to hold herself back from spilling everything out._

"_No, I just need to talk to you." The chair screeched as he dragged it along the floor and sat down on it._

"_What is it?" She refused to turn around and look at him._

"_What the hell was that the other day? I mean, why are you going and risking your life for me…" His voice was strained._

"_I didn't. I don't know what you're talking about." She kept her eyes focused on the potion, stirring constantly._

"_Yes. You do. You did. Why would you do that? You hate me!" _

"_I don't know. I thought we were all going to die, something weird came over me. No one wanted to protect you, so I knew I had to..."_

"_You had no right," she ground out. _

"_Sorry, what? You're angry that I tried to save your life? We're both still here aren't we?" Ungrateful wanker._

_Suddenly he was behind her, taking the spoon out of her hand. "You're stirring it too much; you have to leave it for ten minutes to set." _

_Darn, he was right. "So why are you angry?" _

_Now he was avoiding her eyes. "I'm not."_

_Their faces were so close, their noses were nearly touching. Why did she always feel this heaviness stirring in her stomach in situations like this? Why did she **care? **_

"_I just…I wouldn't want you to risk your life for mine. I don't deserve life; I don't deserve this second chance. **You **deserve life." His eyes were soft, but his voice was hard and serious._

_Suddenly overwhelmed with heat she took a step back, turning round and attempting to fan herself with her hand. "**Everyone **deserves life Draco." _

_But it wasn't just that. She knew it wasn't. _

* * *

"That's a random story to tell..." Draco bit his upper lip.

"I just want you to know everything in case… you know…" She spoke to nothing in particular; her eyes had that glazed look to them.

"Don't talk like that. You always saved me, I will always save you."

"You don't owe me anything you know…" She always sounded as if she was trailing off, as if there were hundreds of thoughts flying round her head but she could barely get a coherent one out.

"Do you think it helps?"

"What?" She looked straight through him.

"Telling me your stories." No one would let him stop doing this- who was he to judge their opinion? He wanted her to get better. He hated her stories; they scared him because he couldn't feel like that about her. If one of them died… there was too much to loose, they shouldn't love in a time like this.

"I think so. But they don't help you… do they."

He wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement.

"They just make things hard." He frowned, still stroking her scarred hand.

"Because you don't love me…" Then she shut her eyes, blocking out the world.

"I just want you to be you again..." He sighed, leaning his head into his hands, prepared to watch her sleep again before he went out to fight.

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**Review**? :)


	4. Chapter Four

_She watched him as looked into the sky. She knew she shouldn't be watching him, that she should mention her presence, but she couldn't. Watching him look so peaceful and off guard was a fleeting moment._

_She didn't think anyone had ever looked so still, it was like he wasn't breathing. He just sat, knees pulled up and arms wrapped around them, staring at the starry night, completely unmoving._

_**He must have a lot to think about, everything has changed for him. No one on this side trusts him. He won't let me in.**_

_**His parents died. He switched sides. He's branded a traitor. One of the most wanted men of this time. Yes, he certainly has a lot on his mind.**_

_Her breathing hitched as he groaned softly and braced his head in between his legs, seemingly taking deep breaths. It was weird to see him like that, so out of control._

_None of the people back at the camp knew him like she did. On rare, very rare moments, he would open up to her. She felt like she knew **so **much about him, yet she knew almost nothing._

_He wasn't just fighting a war. It wasn't just light against dark. It was so much more than that._

_It was light Draco against dark Draco, Draco against everyone who refused to trust him, Draco against trust in general, Draco against himself, and worst of all, Draco against love._

_Suddenly it felt very wrong watching him in such a private moment that so clearly was meant for no one to see so she returned to the shadows, pacing around the field trying to clear her clouded mind._

_He was heartless. Well, she was pretty sure he was._

* * *

"You're right Hermione, you weren't meant to see that." He frowned, how many times had she witnessed his breakdowns without him realizing?

"I know- it's just, you would never just let me in. I didn't know anything, I still don't..."

He avoided what she'd said; he didn't _want _her to know anything. Didn't want to bring her into all that desperation and darkness- she had enough of her own. "You're so right."

"You said…" She traced circles on his chest, leaning slightly out from her makeshift bed.

"No, well yes, but you're right about me being heartless. I am."

"I didn't mean it like that- well, not really. You _aren't _heartless, you just wish you were."

Oh, why was she always right? He sighed, staring at the ground and listening as her breathing gradually became slower and heavier.

Left to his thoughts, he realized today had been better, which was good because he_ needed_ her to be better.

No matter how painful the stories, no matter how painful her despair, he had to sit by her bedside and take it. He owed it to her, and even if he didn't he would have still done it.

He needed her to have the power to fight; he needed her to bring some form of lightness back to his life. He just wanted her safe and happy, he wasn't sure why but it was the only thing he wanted.

She needed to be better. Everyone needed her- mostly him. To remind himself he wasn't heartless.

* * *

A/N- I'm trying to shorten these drabbles, this is the sort of length I'm going to aim for. I think with a story like this the shorter it is the more powerful it is. So no reviews yet, but a few alerts so I think some people must like it? Review please? I'd love feedback. Love you all!


	5. Chapter Five

_She couldn't believe she was dead. Beautiful, enchanting Luna was dead. She didn't want to say it out loud. It would make it too real._

_Luna was dead._

_There had been a lot of losses, but the loss of Luna was different to Hermione. Luna had always been the one to raise peoples spirits, coax smiles and laughter out of the depression looming above them. _

_She sacrificed her life for everyone else. _

_Hermione knew they should have sent someone else. They couldn't just **loose **Luna, they would loose some minds too if they did. Luna was always the one to bring people back, to save everyone from loosing themselves in the darkness of war._

_She wasn't gone. She couldn't be gone._

"_Hermione the funeral, come on." It wasn't even a funeral, because they didn't have enough 'time'. Luna always had enough time for everyone. Why couldn't they stay here for just one more night and make time? _

"_I don't want to go," She mumbled, squeezing her eyes shut to try and leave this place mentally. A few tears escaped._

"_Please. She would have wanted you there." Draco stood in the door way, looking hesitant about coming in._

"_It's not even a proper funeral! We don't have her body! No one bothered to **try **and recover it!" Breathing erratically, she realized she was taking her anger out on the wrong person._

"_Luna wouldn't have wanted us to risk ourselves in trying to find it, you know that…" He walked across the room painfully slowly, before reaching a trembling hand out to wipe her tears away._

_Hermione knew he was right. She just missed Luna. _

_She didn't want her to be dead. She didn't want to have to say it. She didn't want it to be real. "I know… It's just- I just, I don't know. I miss her!" Tears carried on streaming down her stinging face as she fisted Draco's shirt and tried to tug him closer._

_She felt him freeze at this sort of contact, but she didn't care. She wanted him close, even if he didn't want her. Soon he relaxed against her and wrapped his strong arms around her shaking back, allowing her pain to seep into him. _

_**He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. **She kept reminding herself, but why was he still here if he didn't care? **He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. Pull it together!**_

_She gulped back her sobs and desperately tried to steady her breathing, but he kept his arms around her. When she finally felt calm, he let go and walked away silently. _

_**He doesn't care.**_

* * *

Draco sighed; he knew that was the day they lost her. Hermione _needed_ Luna.

Everyone needed Luna to be themselves. "Hermione, that was a hard day for everyone…"

"I know, it's just I liked that day just as much as I hated it because of **you**. You have this amazing way of making me feel like you care and then vanishing that feeling in a second." She was sat up today, finally noticing her most recent injury to her left arm.

"Where did I get this?" She pointed towards the bandaged arm.

"The last battle you were at. You were completely lost and wandering round, you made yourself an easy target. You're lucky Neville found you, or you'd probably be dead." He was lying straight through his teeth; he was the one who found her that night. What was the difference really? She was safe, that's all she needed to know.

"Oh… When can I fight again then? I feel a lot better." It was true; she seemed a lot better today, but still not herself.

"Soon. Really soon, I hope. Just keep telling me these stories, everyone agrees it's helping you." They really did need her soon. It was so difficult to move around with her strange sleeping patterns and random behaviour… it wasn't so bad anymore, but still hard for everyone to cope with.

It was Hermione, their Hermione. Strong Hermione. They needed her.

She smiled- a strange sight for Draco. "Yes, I think they are. You hate listening to them though." The happiness from her face disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

It was true. He _hated _them. He had been trying not to put her through pain yet it seemed he had put her through a lot more than he'd ever imagined. "No. I like them. I like you telling me stories. Shall we go down to see everyone? They really want to talk to you."

She only wanted to see Draco. She saw everyone else about once a week, if that. "I don't know…"

He smiled slightly, leaning forward and kissing her on the forehead. That's friendly, right?

Still, she couldn't help herself, and placed a quick kiss to his lips before he could stop her.

"Come on Hermione, you've _got _to come and see everyone now. You're feeling fine!" His heart was beating ridiculously fast; surely there was something wrong with that?

She took his hand and followed him to the rest of the group, spirits feeling a little lifted and no fatigue in sight.

Maybe, just maybe, she was coming back to him.

* * *

A/N- Well, I hope you all liked this! Thank you to my one and only reviewer, it means a lot! Their review has made me think that maybe some of you could also be confused though.

So basically, you are kind of supposed to be confused because most of what you know is from Hermiones POV, so the point is that you are as confused as Hermione is about his feelings, although obviously you do know slightly more. Any questions, please don't hesitate to ask!

Sorry for the huge authors note, just wanted to clear that up. Please review! Thanks everyone.


	6. Chapter Six

_She was crying._

_Again. _

_She didn't know why- her chest had throbbed and her head had pulsed for weeks until all the tears finally overcame her._

_She cried. She cried for the losses, she cried for the fighting, she cried for the love that would never be returned._

_Her pillow, her blankets, her walls could hold in what she couldn't. But no amount of tears, of anguished screams into her pillows, would help. Tears wouldn't bring back the dead. Tears wouldn't stop the war. Tears wouldn't make Draco love her._

_So she cried when she was alone, and snapped whenever she was in company._

_As she struggled to wipe the tears away from her damp face, the door clicked open. **Draco, damn it! **She slumped into the pillow, hiding away from the burning look he was sure to be giving her._

_It only made new tears spill over- she didn't **want **him to talk to her. She didn't want him to pretend to care. She didn't want him to look hurt because she snapped; she didn't want him to look hurt because she cried. Every damn time she thought he cared, he would just walk away. _

_He would disappear so quickly sometimes, that she would find it hard to believe he'd even been there._

"_Hermione?" She felt her legs sink into the mattress, as his weight brought it down._

_**Go away. Go away! **She squeezed her stinging eyes shut, trying to drain her tears._

"_Look at me," His voice was soft, but hoarse. He'd probably had to take over the meeting she usually held on Wednesdays… It required **a lot **of shouting. _

_She couldn't look at him. She didn't want to see his eyes. She didn't care! **I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. **It was a chant running through her mind, hoping if she thought it enough times she'd trick herself into believing it. _

"_Please. I hate seeing you like this." _

"_Stop it! Stop it now!" She screamed, reaching a trembling hand to her mouth as she realized she'd just snapped again._

"_Stop what?" He frowned, shuffling closer to her still._

_She turned over fully now, pulling her knees up to her chin and recoiling along the bed away from him. "Stop pretending like you care Draco." It was barely a whisper. _

_He moved closer again, grabbing her hands from her side. "I do care Hermione! Don't you see that I do! Why can't I care? Why won't you let me care?" His voice was steadily raising and his grip tightened around Hermione's hands._

"_Get off of me! Just get off! Leave me alone! I want you to care, I **wish **you would care, but every time I think you might, you just walk away!" This was giving her an outlet, acting angry felt so much better than the constant stream of tears. She tried to yank her hands away from him, but he held on steadily._

_He sighed, rubbing a spot in between his eyebrows before quickly snatching back Hermione's hand. "You don't **understand**. I wish you could, but you won't. Not in this state. I care, I do." His voice was sincere, and his hard stare was burning a hole in her heart. _

_She knew that she cared, telling herself she didn't just wasn't working. "Well you know what then Draco?" Her breathing was becoming heavy and she felt like her anger might start spilling out of her._

_He sighed, "What?" _

"_Prove it!" She moved closer to him, finally freeing her hands, "Prove that you care!" She couldn't hold it back anymore, as she started yelling._

_He sat in front of her, looking slightly shocked._

_Silence._

"_See! You can't! You can't prove it because you don't!" She screamed this right into his face trying to get a reaction out of him but he sat, expressionless._

"_You don't care, so stop pretending, and stop lying!" Suddenly tears replaced her anger as she was choked with sobs._

"_Hermione…" He trailed off, clearly trying to keep his frustration at bay. _

_Her anger was back with vengeance, and she couldn't stop herself from shouting, "No! Stop it! Stop- "_

_He cut her off, pinning her hands to her sides and pressing his lips to hers, kissing softly until she started to respond. _

"_I care." _

_He walked out._

_**He doesn't care, he doesn't care, he doesn't care.**_

_Her mind, heart and body were weak, she was completely drained. _

_Slumping back onto her bed, she squeezed her eyes shut; desperately hoping no more tears would come to her._

_She wanted to be happy._

_She wanted him to care._

_Why was he doing this do her? Why did he have to make her feel? _

_She didn't want to feel. She wanted to be disconnected so she could focus._

_But she couldn't._

_She couldn't focus._

_Not with him around._

* * *

Draco was silent. He remembered this day clearly, he remembered walking out of the room and kicking the wall again and again and again at how stupid he had been. How could he have done that? He'd thrown and smashed things and taken all his anger out on everything but her.

"It's okay Draco…" She touched his hand gently. They were in the kitchen today. She was up and about more than ever.

"No. It's not. I'm sorry," He murmured, wanting to walk away but not quite being able to bring himself to do so.

She smiled weakly, wrapping her arms around him.

"So, so sorry," He mumbled into her hair, only feeling slightly better at the fact she seemed so well.

He hoped it would stay that way.

* * *

A/N- I'm so happy with the response to the last drabble! I hope you all enjoy this. Don't forget to review! Love you all.


	7. Chapter Seven

"_So, what you're saying is that I can't go to battle?" Hermione said as she rose from her seat, anger churning round in her stomach._

"_We just don't think it would be good for you…" Remus sighed, looking at her with pitiful eyes. _

"_That isn't fair! **I **am the first in command girl for our age group so I get to call the shots! I am going to battle!" She tried to shout, but it came out more strained and choked than she'd hoped._

"_You know what Hermione? Okay. There's two places we need to attack the Death Eaters tonight, so the compromise is that you go with Neville, Dean and Seamus to where they're going- there isn't going to be many Death Eaters'." He slid his hands across the table, and then ruffled his hair a little._

_She huffed, "Fine." _

* * *

_As she scanned the area, all she could see was six cloaked men. That should be easy enough. _

_**Focus Hermione, focus.**_

_Her vision started to go a little blurry as the panic set in. She didn't want to be here, she wasn't ready. She wanted to be at home, waiting for the others to return. She wanted to be healing, to be anywhere excep-_

"_Hermione!" Neville shouted to her, motioning across the field, "Watch out! Run!"_

_She shut her eyes tight. **I'm not here, I'm not here, I'm not here.**_

"_Hermione! You are here! Come on! Head in the game!" Dean screamed, starting to run towards her._

_The icy claws of panic started to close around her chest, and she did the only thing she could think: she ran. Coloured lights started flashing all over her vision, but she didn't care. _

_She didn't particularly want to live anyway. _

_All she could hear was the sound of blood rushing in her ears and the thump of her feet on the ground, but there was still the quiet hum of the boys' shouts. _

"_Hermione, be careful!" "Hermione!" "Hermione come here!" She was sure their pleading was becoming more and more desperate. She didn't care. _

_She ran._

_The field seemed like it was never going to end. Her **life **seemed like it was never going to end. _

_**Please. Just kill me.**_

_Why were no spells hitting her? There were flashes, bangs, and arrays of colours flying this way and that, she was doing nothing to protect herself, but was completely unharmed. _

_So she stopped. Opening her eyes and spreading her arms out wide she stood dead still, waiting for some form of pain to hit her._

_Nothing._

_Seamus' scream of pain jolted her back to reality with full force. She sprinted over, finding him crumpled on the floor and writhing in agony. _

_Then, she noticed the huge gash across his stomach and the panic started to come back with vengeance. Forcing it down and shaking her whole body out, she wrung her hands out and cast a blood clotting spell on the cut. "Neville!" She screeched so loud that her voice broke half way through._

_He ran over, still throwing spells towards the four Death Eaters who were taking on Dean, "Hermione- oh Merlin! Take him back!" _

"_No, I'm staying- this is my fault…take him back, now!" The panic was obvious in her voice now, and she tried to push Neville towards Seamus, but he stayed rooted to the spot too strong for her to shift._

"_Hermione-"He started,_

"_No! I am fine! Take him, now! My Orders!" She screamed desperately between pants, and ran back over to Dean who was struggling to duck all the spells._

_Dean collapsed to the ground just as she got to the cloaked men. She tried to throw herself into the fighting- she was a fighter, but it wasn't working._

_**Why aren't these spells hitting me?**_

_**Kill me, just kill me now!**_

_**My chest is going to collapse.**_

_**Nobody cares about me.**_

_**I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe.**_

_**I'm the last one left here, maybe I should just kill myself… no one would know…**_

_Suddenly three of the men dropped dead. Hermione spun her head round in bewilderment, who shot that curse?_

_That was when she saw him. Emerging from shadows in the overgrown woods, he shot a killing curse at the last man, but the man disappeared before it hit him. _

"_Draco… Just leave…"Hermione sighed, dropping to the ground, clutching her chest and taking quick, deep breaths._

"_Come on, we're going. Dean needs medical attention. Breathe properly!" _

_Suddenly, realization hit her in the face. "It was you." She narrowed her eyes, standing up and poking him in the chest._

"_What are you talking about?" He frowned._

_But she knew it. She knew she was right. "You deflected all those spells from me. All of them! Why would you interfere like that?" She was angry; she wanted to be hurt. She wanted to feel something other than loss and heartbreak._

"_Sorry, you're angry at me for saving your life?" _

"_Yes!" She yelled, forcefully pushing at his chest._

"_You are officially deranged Granger…" He took a step back from her, moving to help Dean._

"_It's your fault! Did the boys even know you were here?" She shouted louder, feeling relived to finally be getting her anger out on him after not talking to him for nearly a month- it had been driving her up the wall._

"_You're insufferable, everything is my fault! And no, I was supposed to be healing- Tonks said this was more important because we all **knew **you would have a crazy moment!" He rose to the bait, shouting back this time._

"_A crazy moment? I am **not crazy**!" She didn't know it was possible for her to shout that loud, and was left with anger prickling her nerve endings, and incredibly short of breath._

"_You bloody well are! We're loosing you!" He swung Dean over his shoulder, reluctantly offering a hand to Hermione. _

_The truth finally sunk in as she slumped to the ground, barely being able to breathe with tears building up in her eyes. _

_She was loosing it. _

* * *

A stray tear slipped down her face. Both Draco and Hermione were glad she could at least hold herself together now.

Still, Draco leant forward and brushed the tear away. "It's okay Hermione. You're getting better."

"But what if I just snap again? It happened so easily last time, and if I loose it again, it will be for good. You know it's true!" She carried on wiping at the dishes, not looking Draco in the eye.

"You won't. You won't have me causing you pain- you won't snap. I promise," He said softly.

"I can't take your promises anymore though, that's the problem." She handed the cloth and plate to him, before walking out.

It was like shards of ice plunging straight through his heart. But it would be fine.

_It's okay Hermione, I won't hurt you anymore. _

He wouldn't break his promises.

* * *

A/N- Well, this was a long one! I hope it was okay. Let me know if you liked it, reviews are much appreciated .


	8. Chapter Eight

_Emptiness._

_There was nothing inside her. Nothing._

_The emotion had been drained out of her until there was not a single smile left._

_She wanted something to hate, something to cry over, something to love, something to hope for, **anything**._

_Nothing. She felt nothing._

_She stared at the blank wall for the thirteenth consecutive hour, hugging her knees to her chest._

_She didn't understand. Why was her mind doing this to her?_

_She wanted to get the right words out. She wanted to be smart and loquacious. She wanted to correct Harrys' wording and get angry at Ron._

_She wanted to cry over Draco. She wanted to cry for Luna. She wanted to cry for Dean. She wanted to cry for the hundreds of things she lost to this war._

_She wanted to feel anything except this- anything except empty._

_A light tap on the door suddenly interrupted the steady beat of her heart- her only reminder that she was still alive. _

_She couldn't get the words out. She wanted to beg him to come in, to save her. She wanted to scream at him to leave and never come back. She wanted to have another one of those very few friendly conversations they had engaged in. She wanted them to share emotion, no matter what emotion it was._

_She opened her mouth and no sound came out. Again and again, the same thing happened. She looked like a fish with no water. She didn't know the words. She didn't want to face the words. She couldn't choose the words, she couldn't say the words, she didn't **want **to say the words._

_Squeezing her eyes shut, she wrapped her arms closer round her knees and rolled onto her side, wanting him to go away- wanting everyone to go away._

_She wanted the world to let her go. After all, what was left for her here? What use was she? _

_She wasn't. She was a nuisance. _

_She tried to block out her thoughts and sleep, but sleep never came. _

_Then she heard the muffled voices outside the door._

"_Do you love her Malfoy?" It was definitely Harrys voice.._

"_I… I don't know. It's just- I-" Draco stuttered and stumbled for the right words._

"_Do you or not?" Hermione could hear Harrys irritableness._

"_It's hard to explain. I don't have to explain it to you Potter. Why should I?" Draco snapped back._

"_Because we're loosing her and you're the only one that can bring her back!" The black haired wizard fired back._

_Silence._

"_Listen… I don't want to be the one to try and mess up. She thinks I hate her." _

"_Everyone except her and you can see what is going on between the two of you."_

"_It's funny because it isn't really anyone else's business…" A pause, "There isn't enough room in this world for love, put it that way." _

"_There's always enough Malfoy. Man up and tell her how you feel, whether you try or not if she doesn't come back from this state the blame is on your shoulders." She heard loud bangs as Harry stomped down the stairs._

_She wasn't a lunatic! What state? What are they talking about?_

_Was that a twinge of hope she felt? Surely not._

_Draco Malfoy was incapable of love. _

_Draco Malfoy did **not **love her._

_She didn't care. It didn't matter. He could crucio her right now and she wouldn't feel a thing._

_She heard the creak of their door as it opened. The light shuffle of his steps. She felt the mattress drooping as he clambered in. His warm arm draping over her waist. His face nuzzling into her matted hair. _

_She wished she could feel in this moment. _

_What was he doing? _

_Draco Malfoy did not love her._

_He did not._

_She thought maybe…just maybe, she could fall asleep like this. Maybe this was enough for sleep to finally drown her._

_But just before she did;_

"_I love you." _

_She didn't think she'd heard right. It was so hoarse and croaky and clouded with tears, it was probably her mind._

_Draco Malfoy did not love her._

_He did not._

_He could not._

_She was making it up. She hated her mind for playing awful tricks on her like that. It was cruel and unnecessary and it just made her hate herself even more._

_Draco Malfoy did **not **love her._

_He couldn't._

* * *

Draco tried to mask his shock and remain indifferent. He did not say that! She wasn't awake- she wouldn't have heard a thing if he had. He wasn't awake either though, so he didn't say that! Definitely not.

"You didn't say it, did you?" She looked worn out- dark circles under her eyes and unusually pasty skin. Her eyes were filled with everything they shouldn't have been; sadness, despair, loss, hopelessness.

"I don't remember that day…" He lied. He remembered the day- he had been angry. Angry at Hermione for giving up, angry at himself for letting her give, and angry at Potter for sticking his nose in!

"Makes sense. Your mind probably likes to block out the things you don't want to remember," She said dryly.

He rolled his eyes. At least this girl was more like the Hermione he knew. "No. That's not it, I just don't remember most of that day. I took a sleeping draught… I had been having trouble sleeping." He lied again. He hated lying to her, but he had to. She had to fight again, had to get back out there. She had to take control again- everyone needed her.

She eyed him suspiciously, "I'm really tired and I don't want to fall asleep on the kitchen table, so I'm going to take myself off to bed."

He sighed. She was getting better, he told himself. She was tired- they all were. It was okay for her to be like this, it was nothing like before. She would be okay. "Okay…" She was already gone by the time he replied.

_I love you._

Had he really said that?

_I love you._

No. Surely not.

_I love you. _

He wouldn't be so careless with his words.

_I love you._

Did he though? Did he love her?

_I love you._

Or was he just as incapable of loving as she thought he was?

_I love you._

He didn't know.

* * *

A/N- Hope you guys liked this! It was a bit longer like the last one- can't seem to get them very short! I feel like the last drabble was really bad now because not one person reviewed! So let me know if this was okay... should be only four chaps left to go now :) I'll update when I can!


	9. Chapter Nine

"Draco this is silly… I don't _want _to tell you any more of these stories." She folded her arms, frowning.

"You will if you want to start attacking with us again." He smirked, knowing he would win this one in the end.

"You can't tell me what to do anymore. I'm _better_."

"I'm not trying to; I'm merely letting you know that if you don't tell me this one last story then they aren't letting you fight. I couldn't help but notice how the stories aren't really happy…" He pressed his lips into a thin line, hoping to coax a happy memory out of her for once.

"I don't know… actually okay, this is a nice memory of us, when things were just starting out, we were what- nineteen? So a year ago?" She smiled slightly, resting her hand lightly on his knee.

* * *

"_Hey roomie." He grinned, slumping onto his bed opposite Hermione._

"_Hello, Draco," She said in a tired voice._

"_Long day?" _

"_Obviously." She rolled her eyes. _

"_Me too. My first time out fighting against the Death Eater's… it was crazy." He sighed._

"_You were scared," She stated, crossing her legs and cocking her head, ready to listen._

"_I was **not** scared." _

"_Everyone gets scared, it's very natural." _

"_Do you always have to try and be factual Granger? Yes okay, I was scared. Those people… they do unthinkable things. I'm a traitor; if they had found me they would have skinned me alive- literally." He grimaced._

"_Exactly. It's okay to admit you're scared- I don't judge you for it, no one else does either. Did you see your mother or father by any chance?" _

_He suddenly paled, looking at the ground and avoiding Hermione's eyes. _

"_Draco?" _

"_They… They died. They're dead Hermione." His grey eyes were stormy and full of loss- how could she have not noticed?_

"_Merlin… I'm sorry Draco. What happened?" Without even realizing, she'd moved from her bed to his and was resting her hand in his lap._

_He was breathing heavily and biting down on his lip. _

"_It's okay to be upset…" She offered._

"_They died just after I left for the order. Blaise sent me word about it…" His voice broke and he trailed off, blinking rapidly. _

_She had no idea. How could she have had no idea? How could he have carried that burden round without breaking down? "Why didn't you tell me? Does anyone know?" _

"_You don't care, no one does." He spat, still breathing heavily._

"_I do care! How dare you say that I don't… would I really be sitting here right now if I didn't care?" She frowned. _

"_I'm sorry… it's just, things are hard. I can't open up to anyone." _

"_You should open up to me." _

"_I know. I just can't." He rested his head against her shoulder and she wrapped her little arms around his broad frame. _

* * *

"Hermione, that is not a happy memory!"

"I like it though. It was one of the _nice_ talks we had." She poked her tongue out.

"We had nicer… why that memory?" He frowned slightly.

"It was the first time you put your trust in me…"

Silence.

"I have a better memory!" She grinned.

"Okay…" He laughed.

* * *

_They were supposed to be practicing dueling but they were too busy arguing… it wasn't unusual for them._

"_Admit it!" _

"_What? You are barking mad Hermione!" _

"_You have a thing for Luna!"_

"_What would it matter if I did?" _

"_Just admit it!" _

"_No, because I don't!" He then started laughing. _

"_Why are you laughing?" She was incredibly flushed, and breathing heavily from all the arguing. _

"_This is…ridiculous." He managed to get out through his laughter._

"_Expelliarmus!" She yelled, smirking as his wand flew into her hand._

_Immediately he stopped laughing, frowning and walking across the room to Hermione. _

"_Give me my wand Hermione…" He raised his eyebrow at her._

"_Come and get it Draco!" She said playfully, waving the wand in the air._

"_Hermione…" He said warningly._

_She just smiled sweetly in reply, twirling his wand in her fingers. _

_He closed the distance between them, pressing her up against the wall. _

_Her breathing became shallow as he stared into her eyes. _

"_My wand Hermione?" He broke the silence, pinning her wand hand to the wall. _

_Their faces were becoming closer and closer as he struggled to pin the hand with his wand to the wall too. She was becoming dizzy from his scent. _

_Just as he was about to grab the wand, she leant up on her tiptoes and pecked him on the lips, using the distraction to run to the other side of the room. _

"_Granger!" He growled, following her to the other side of the room. _

_She sent a series of stinging hexes at him._

"_Ouch! Bloody hell witch, give me my wand!" _

"_Admit that I've won?" She smiled innocently. _

"_No!" He ground out, trying to pin her up against the wall again but failing miserably. _

"_Then you won't get your wand back!" She sung teasingly. _

_He threw an apple in her direction, then two, then three. Catching her off guard, she dropped her wand and Draco grabbed it before she could._

"_Surrender! You give me my wand and I'll give you yours." He smirked, now brandishing Hermione's wand in the air. _

_She narrowed her eyes, "Fine, but this isn't over!" She threw his wand to him as he did the same to her._

"_You're too right it isn't," He muttered under his breath._

* * *

"That's more like it! That's a good memory. See, we did have some." He smirked.

"I know, but the idea is that I get my painful memories out, and there are a lot of them…" She looked at the floor.

"We never did finish that little game…" He smirked, overcome with a sudden urge.

Hermione's eyes widened, and not quite knowing how to protect herself she jumped up from her chair.

Memories of that innocent little peck flooded his mind… he grabbed Hermione by the shoulders and pushed her backwards through the spare room, kicking and pushing things out the way as he did.

They got to the wall and he pinned her arms against it. Should he really be doing this? No, not at all. But he'd waited so long… he thought he would never truly have her back, yet here she was.

"Draco, what are you-"

He cut her off with a searing kiss. He moved softly against her lips until she started to respond eagerly, he tangled his hands in her hair, and swiped his tongue along her lips until she granted him access. Their tongues flitted about as they fought for domination, and he reveled in her softness and her sweetness- she was even better than he'd imagined. She tugged on his lip and he groaned, and pushing harder on his lips she nipped again, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting out a soft sigh, which seemed to bring them both back to reality.

They rested their foreheads together, breathing heavily. "I love you," She panted.

Should he say it back? Did he love her? He didn't know. He couldn't lie. He couldn't hurt her again. But what would hurt more? "I know…" He grimaced.

"It's okay; you don't have to say it back." She bit her lip, staring into his eyes.

He couldn't take it, he needed to think. He needed to be away from her.

He left, again.

_Well, she would be going with them on there next attack that was for sure, and he was glad for it. They all needed this push. _

* * *

A/N- Hey lovelys! Well, I put chapters nine and ten together because they were both quite short and I prefer it like this. I hope you guys like the happier sort of tone to it! Two more chapters left… don't leave me now, not all is well ;) don't forget to review!

Oh- and a little reply to one of my reviewers. They are twenty at this moment, Hermione has been telling stories to Draco for around a year and the year before that is the first year of the war.


	10. Chapter Ten

The cold from the marble floor of Malfoy Manor was starting to seep into his bones.

He didn't care. He had to wait here for her.

He hadn't moved an inch from the second he had got there- his face was pressed against the cold flooring as he lay on his front motionless.

She was going to come back. He was going to hear her familiar footsteps again. He _was_.

His breathing was shallow- he felt like his chest could cave any second.

He was supposed to save her! _He_ was supposed to be dead.

What was the point in any of it? Why had he wasted the last year trying to get her back out fighting?

And why had it taken _this _to make him realize he loved her?

It wasn't like it mattered anymore.

The only sound he could hear was his tears dripping on the floor.

The Death Eaters would be here soon, surely.

He didn't care.

He wanted them to kill him. What was there to live for now?

He was as good as dead.

Suddenly he understood the saying: "You're alive, but you're not really living." That would be the rest of his life.

He didn't want to fight. Fighting had caused _this. _

The pain was harrowing. Was this what heartbreak felt like?

Was this how Hermione had felt constantly?

Suddenly the pain was worse.

"Draco why are you here? It's dangerous! Come on… we need to go…" Harry called from the door way.

But he couldn't leave; he had to wait for her. She was going to come walking through that door way any minute now.

"No… I have to wait for her," He mumbled from his spot on the ground.

"Come on mate, you know she isn't coming back…"

But he didn't want to believe it.

The place of his childhood, the place where he had felt most safe. The place of all his good memories and the place he had spent most of his life.

Hermione Granger died here. The girl he loved was dead. He only got to tell her once and she probably didn't even hear.

"Draco…talk to me." Tonks voice was unusually soft.

The only person he would ever love was dead, and it was all his fault.

* * *

A/N- Well, did anyone expect that? I know one of you did…but I hoped it would be unexpected! I know everyone's a sucker for a happy ending, but this one doesn't have one… there's one more chapter, and all will be explained! No reviews for the last chapter but this story has been built up to this moment so please please please review, I'll love you forever! Thanks lovely people :)


	11. Chapter Eleven

"_Okay, there shouldn't be many here but just incase we'll go in twos. Draco and Hermione go from there, Ron and Lavender go from there, Harry and Ginny stay here, the rest of us know our places. Go!" Kingsley whispered._

_Draco tugged Hermione by the hand towards the side door and they both crouched down, waiting for their signal. _

_The first few flashing colours came into their vision and they pounced into action, bounding through the doors with their wands at the ready. Draco took a moment to take in the scene in front of him- it was certainly not what he had expected. There was about double the amount of Death Eaters' they'd anticipated. _

_Hermione was already in the zone, dueling three Death Eaters' like she had never been stuck at camp and depressed for the past year. The fight was spreading through Malfoy Manor and soon it was only Hermione, himself and Hannah Abbott left in the drawing room dueling. _

_Hannah had managed to escape, and Draco and Hermione were only dueling one Death Eater each by this point. _

_Draco felt heat prickling his skin and an unnerving still come over the room as Blaise Zabini and Vincent Crabbe came into the room- a fiendfyre following closely behind them. _

_Draco didn't know whether he should be panicking or not. They used to be his friends, but he was a traitor now. They are controlling the fire, but they could let it loose any second._

"_We can take care of this. Leave!" Zabini boomed at the last standing Death Eaters', who nodded and scurried out._

"_Listen mate, you can get out of here alive…" _

_Draco was listening, but keeping both eyes trained on Hermione as she stood dead still, a defiant look on her face. _

"_I'm listening," Draco replied in a monotone._

"_We need either you or the girl- Merlin, we should be taking both of you! And we would be killed if anyone found out we spared you. But you're still my mate, and I expect you can make the right decision." Zabini nodded the fire in a little further. _

_Draco shook his head rapidly, not quite understanding. They wanted him to give them Hermione? For what, Death? Or worse… months of torture? He shuddered involuntarily. No. He couldn't do that. "No. Take me."_

_Hermione narrowed her eyes at Draco, obviously trying to make sense of the situation. "No Draco… let them take me, I'll be okay…" _

_Crabbe nodded the fire in further and suddenly it was dancing in a circle around both Draco and Hermione. It was a hypnotizing collaboration of colours that could kill them in a second. _

"_See. She wants us to take her, go Draco, just go!" Zabini opened a hole in the circle of fire that was encasing them._

_But he couldn't just leave her. She had saved his life countless times, and maybe finally this was his chance to pay her back. _

_He moved towards Hermione, and leant down to her ear. "Listen to me, you are going to run when I say go, and you're not going to turn back, the order will find you, just run. It's my turn to save you now okay? GO!" He whispered, pressing a hard kiss to her lips as her eyes widened. _

_Not looking back, he stepped towards the ring of fire. If he could just **die** it would cause enough distraction for her to run. She could live, even if he had to die. He was willing to sacrifice himself for her._

_And that was when he realized: this is what love is. It had to be! Well, damn love and damn it to hell. _

_He took a final step into the searing flames, desperately hoping she would run. _

_Blacking out, he knew death had come to him. _

* * *

"But I don't know… I don't understand how-" Draco stuttered from his position on the floor.

"She walked into the fire after you…" Tonks looked towards him sympathetically.

* * *

_Hermione was completely confused; her heart was hammering against her chest as she tried to make a decision in a matter of seconds._

_To run, or to die. To run, or to die. To run, or to die._

_She already knew what she had to do- she wasn't going to live without him. She couldn't live without him. _

_Taking a deep breath, she followed his steps into the fire. _

_Blacking out, she knew death had come to her. _

* * *

"Why am I still alive then? Why do I get to live and she gets to die? I should be the dead one, not her!" Draco let out an anguished scream, bracing his head between his legs.

Hannah was the third person to enter the room, and she didn't say anything as she silently shuffled along the floor and curled up against Draco, wrapping her small arms around him as his chest shook violently with silent tears.

* * *

"_No-" Crabbe had started._

"_It's okay, let her go." Blaise shot a spell over to where Draco had just collapsed, extinguishing the fire around him. _

"_He's dead already though…" Crabbe stated._

"_No, he won't be- Just seriously burned. Let the others find him and deal with it. We're going." _

"_But-" _

"_Were **going!**" Zabini boomed._

* * *

"We don't know how you survived- well, you barely did. The burns and injuries should tell you that- I don't know how you managed to even move out your bed, let alone get back here!" Harry said, frowning.

"It's like a real life Romeo and Juliet… except you're not going to kill yourself," Hannah stuttered, at loss of what to say.

Draco was barely listening to them.

She died, and it was his fault. She died, and it was his fault. She died, and it was his fault.

He was a killer. He killed the only girl that he would ever love.

He should be gone, he should be the one dead.

No one would mourn his loss, no one would miss him.

Everyone will loose a part of themselves with Hermione.

He didn't know if he could deal with it.

"Kill me, just kill me. It would be the kindest thing to do," He choked, not bothering to hold his cries back any longer.

* * *

A/N- And that's a wrap! Hehe, it's finally done and now I feel sad. I've kept my prompts to myself until the end, but the prompt was "And you laid your body down on the floor. You're desperate to hear her footsteps again, but this house is on fire, we need to go." So hopefully you can see where I've incorporated this into the last two chapters!

Thank you all so so much for the favourites, reviews and alerts, but now I have one question to ask you all- a final review? I have so many alerts on this so just the tiniest review from any of you guys who have been with me all the way- it would mean the world to me! Thanks again guys, I hope you have all enjoyed this :)


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